Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Discrimination at the Gym

 

Last night, I had planned my day carefully, including a juicy upper body session at the gym that I was really looking forward to. Unfortunately, I got caught up in some paperwork and emails at home, which delayed my workout to 11:30 a.m. instead of the 10 a.m. slot I’d originally planned. But hey — nothing was going to stop me. I knew how to adapt my session: a few supersets and shorter rest times would do the trick.

I threw on my headphones, hopped on my bike, and rode straight to the gym. No time to waste.

After warming up, I jumped into military presses  10kg, then 12kg, and finally pushing hard with 14kg. I felt strong, empowered, and ready to keep going. I moved on to one of my favorite exercises: triceps on the pulley machine. Just last year, I was lifting 6kg, and now I'm hitting 12.5kg. It’s a relatively safe movement, so I push it to failure,  the kind of pushing that paralyzes your arms by the end. One set, two sets ,  I was in the zone.

Motivated and completely focused, I noticed a few surprised looks from nearby men, but I didn’t let it distract me. Then, out of nowhere, a gym coach tapped me on the shoulder and asked me not to let the weight drop so hard at the end of my sets, said it was making too much noise. He also “suggested” that maybe the weight was too heavy for me.

Seriously?

I honestly thought he was joking  but he wasn’t.

As a Buddhist practitioner , I try to live by a daily prayer I made up that ends with: “May compassion be my only weapon.” It felt like the perfect moment to practice it… But somehow, instead,  I decided not  to play the wise nun, and I didn’t fall back into the old habit of people-pleasing either. I was riding high from the effort,  probably high on endorphins and elevated testosterone, so I decided to put things in perspective for him.

I asked him, calmly, “Do you think we’re in a Zen dojo or a busy gym uh?”

He seemed disappointed and walked away without another word.

I finished my session and left,  strong, satisfied, and empowered. But the moment lingered in my mind. Not with anger or bitterness, but with reflection.

How often do we find ourselves in similar situations and stay silent? So I asked myself: what made me speak up this time?

The answer: values.

When we’re in vulnerable states,  depression, anxiety, loneliness,  we often bend or compromise our reality just to keep the peace. We silence ourselves, even when we know something’s wrong. Women, especially, are more exposed to passive-aggressive sexism, and we often avoid conflict to stay "likable" or non-confrontational.

But when your actions align with your principles, something shifts. You feel grounded. You feel powerful. You feel like you.

And let’s not pretend, would that gym coach have made the same remark to a bulky guy with 31-inch biceps, clanking weights with all his might?

No way, José!

So girls,  reclaim that power. The real enemy is the fear of speaking up.

With love and strength,

Always.

Gaby